Tuesday, June 16, 2009

AA-Anomymous? Folks addicted to AA lifestyle

From 6/11/09

Well, I like the AA meetings but not sure that I need to go 4+ times a week like a lot of these folks. I understand why they say 90 meetings in 90 days and I'm not saying I don't NEED that but I'm just not there... I don't have the time to go to an hour meeting everyday when I'm working out from 6:30 - 8:00 am every day, work from 9-6 and then cook for family and go to bed by 10:30. That's not to say I don't have time for ME, I do... it's the gym. I feel we have the ability to do two things in our life outside out family and one of them's work. I've chosen the other to be the gym. I know I like the Tues night and the Saturday one I found but the Saturday one is about the BigBook study and I'm not so much of a fan of that. It feels too much like Catechism. Remember Catechism or CCD?? EWW! I'll either incorporiate the Monday/Wed/Thurs or Friday in ... depends on the topic and how I'm feeling on those days. I don't really care for the step or book study but I'm sure I just don't see the value yet. I think it's great that this program is out there.. a gal said yesterday.. where would we be without this support structure! Just lost I suppose! I do, however, feel overwhelmed with the ladies that REALLY want to be my sponsor and some (the blonde, lisa, that sat on the other side of me yesterday) that call and just talk and talk and talk. I have complained in the past that I have time for two things outside my family.. and one of them is my job; the other is the gym. I don't really want my LIFE to just be all AA driven. A gal Tuesday night talked about how she would hide Vodka all over her house and in her baby stroller (that's not me) but now she's sober and still hangs out with all her drinking friends.. she just learned how to do it. That's what I want!

I'd love to find a mediation class or I know there's a yoga class in Pleasanton at Noon as well that I may try. I just need tools to deal with stress and don't want to ADD stress by feeling like I have to go to meetings EVERY day. We need to get from this program what we need from it. I know I'm not drinking.. I know how often I've been 'bad Suzie' as my husband likes to call it but I think I'm done with the pitty party of 'poor me I can't drink' and just deal with that. Anyway.. enough whining!

It's amazing how our seemingly young kids have been impacted when we thought they didn't even notice. Sam has noticed and mentioned that she sees I'm not .. and there's no wine around. That will help in the strength on the weak days to keep this motivation going! The meetings keep me close to the notion that I don't want to be out of control like most of these ladies have been. It's a lens into what COULD be and I'm not interested in hitting that kind of bottom! I find it empowering to talk at the meetings too but feel anxiety that my story or comments aren't really going to be significant or worthy but that's just insecurity .. coupled with I hate public speaking but but bottom line, it's good for me. It's out of my comfort zone and stretching into areas that we're not comfortable is good for us!

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